By: kerry
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Date: 29 Aug 2000
Time: 11:46:01
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I'm writing this because I know whoever reads it will understand. My story too, starts with my first period. Some months I would have pretty regular periods of about 32 days and sometimes they would go as long as 46 days. Semi irregular but always extreamly painful. As a teenager, the first day would leave me incapcitated to the point of being in bed. I would be doubled over with cramps,have migraine headaches,vommiting untill there was nothing left but stomach bile, diarrhea, hot flashes with soaking sweats followed by cold shivering shakes. It was like my whole body was rejecting what was supposed to be a normal female body function. The next couple of days of my period were bearable and I could function to some degree. Sometimes the pain was so bad and I would be so week my mother would give me some demoral. This would knock me out and basicaly I would sleep through the worst 12 hours. This continued on through my teens but as I got into my late teens, I did become more regular with a 29 day cycle. At this time I started to expierence hair growth on my chin. Nothing major but enough dark hairs that I had to begin tweezing. The bikini line was traveling further and further down my inner thighs but shaving could handle this. I never had a weight problem as a matter of fact I had a beautiful body. I also am a very attractive woman who has alyays gotten extra attention because of my looks. Since before I can even remember, I have been what society considers the ideal of beauty. I only mention this because I didn't have any of the outward obvious physical signs of pcos so I didn't think there was anything wrong with me accept maybe a slight hormone imbalance. I am extreamly fair skinned with blond hair. In my teens and early twenties, I thought it was normal for woman to have to tweeze a few hairs and that maybe all woman had cramps like me but they just handled it better. I mean all my Italian girfriends were zipping their mustashes and I didn't even have one. I was hairy but it was so white blond that it was almost clear. So I just accepted everything and went on about my life. I dated alot but at 20yrs old I met the man I was to marry. We dated for about 2 and a half years then got engaged. It was at this time I decided to go on birth control and see if maybe the doctor could give me anything for the painful peiods. Even though the chinhairs were getting more plentiful and the minor acne was still persistant into my twenties I really didn't consider this an issue to bring up with a doctor. So I went on birth control pills and for a couple of years it was the best thing ever. The chin hairs didn't get that much worse and they weren't course and my period was regular to the day and the painful episodes only occured every couple of months. I know now that the bcps were just masking or putting off some of the pcos symptons. At 26 three years later my husband and I wanted to start a family so I went off the pill. Nothing happened. we kept at it and still nothing happened. Slowly though, the other symptons of pcos started manifest. The hair on my chin was now becoming a chore and my weight which was always at 106 was on the rise. My periods were starting to follow the old pattern and still after one year we were still not pregnant. This was the really depressing part at that time because all my friends and sisters-in-laws (I have seven) were now getting pregnant and having their babies and we still weren't pregnant. So off to the doctor I go and he tells me to wait through the summer and if nothing than we would begin tests in the early fall. I take his advice along with the annaprox for pain and wait. Well it happened that very first month and I was pregnant all on my own so I was very happy to say the least. I had a wonderful pregnancy without any problems accept that I had gained alot of weight. At my last weigh-in I was 5'2" and 178lbs,but my blood pressure and sugar levels were ok. I was healthy untill I went into labor. I went into toxcemia about 15 hours into labor . I put on another 23 lbs of water and what started a a full term normal delivery ended 28 and a half hours with a c-section and a healthy, low birth weight 5lbs-2oz 18in baby boy. The section was extreamly painful and because of the toxcemia I was very sick. No visitors-no phone calls-no lights on in the room and the worst part was that I couldn't see my baby. Because of his size he was kept in the special care unit to be monitored and I wasn't allowed out of bed for four days and then oonly to go to the bathroom. It was four days after giving birth that I got to really see and hold my baby and even then, I was so week and still in pain that I couldn't even enjoy it. The one thing I will say about a section is that you can't belive how much better you feel by the seventh day when you go home. So off we go, home to be a family. The next three years I was so busy being a mother that I really hadn't put much thought to my health. The hair thing was part of my beauty routine, the periods were what I knew as normal for me (pretty regular but hit and miss occasionaly) the weight well I was down to 130 and everybody has some baby weight to work on , and the exhaustion, well who isn't tired with a todler in the house. I rationalized everything to do with my health as being a sympton of mommyhood. The one thing that did stand out though, was the fact that it had been about three years now without any form of birth control and I wasn't getting pregnant. I didn't really bring it up to my doctor because I figured that I had a child and If it happened it happened. Then one month I was pretty late( more than 10 days so I took a pregnancy test and it was neg a few days later I got my period and it was very bad. Maybe I was pregnant and lost the baby but the doctor wasn't even sure. The following month when I was due I just had a funny feeling I was Pregnant. I don't know why because I wasn't even late but because I had a pregnancy test in the house from the month before I took it. I couldn't belive it when it came up positive it had been over three years but here I was pregnant on my own again. This pregnancy I had alot of morning sickness but I kept the weightgain to 23 lbs. The funny thing is during the two pregnancies the acne(which was mild but still present in my early thirties) cleared to none at all. and the hair growth slowed down. Well of course I wanted a healthy baby and I figured that God let me get pregnant again so it would be asking too much for a healthy baby girl. Another boy would be wonderful too. But I guess God loves me because I deliverd a 6lb , fullterm, healthy baby girl by a vbac (Vaginal delivery after c-setion)The difference between the two deliveries was night and day. When I stood up 6hrs after delivery, I asked to go home right then and there. Give me my baby I'm going home but they made me wait a day. Two days later I was Taking my son to pre school and it was like I never even gave birth . Life had been pretty wonderful and everything associated with the pcos pretty manageable. I didn't know I had it and I didn't know there was a name for the symptons I was having. THIS ALL CHANGED . At about 35 I was down to my weight of 108lbs but I just didn't seem to have the energy I used to. I can't explain it but I just wasnt feeling like myself. I had added alot of stress into my life at this time and I never relized what it was doing to my health. You figure everyone is on the fast track and they probably feel like this too. And after all I'm getting older right? that must be it. We had decided to move and have a house built. the first builder we were involved with ran off with our money and we had tochase him through the court system .Big stress #1. then our house was sold so we had to look for a place to live and another builder. Big stress#2. Then we have our dream house built but it quickly turns into a nightmare . It wasn't finished and the financing ran so I moved into a brand new house that wasn't finished. Big stress#3. I had to live with construction workers for the next four months every day in a house that I should have walked in and just hung up my curtains. Then everything they did had to be redone because of poor workmanship . So another Three months of re-construction. Big stress#4. Mean while I'm living on coffee and cigaretts And really starting to feel like crap. The acne is getting worse, the beard is getting dense and starting to get a little to course to be considered "normal for me" I was on caffine highs or I was crashing. I started having problems within my marriage bucause I was stressed out and angry. Then the real BIG BIG stress entered into play. My husband owns his own business and after 15 years of profits it started to fail. The financial strain was unreal. It got to the point of us almost loosing everything. Ok I could understand business being bad but not to the point of bankrupcy. So after all the years of not being involved I stuck my nose in the business because things didn't add up. The business couldn't fall apart in less than one year. My husband was a better business man than that. Then one day I tripped on it. I found evidence that his bookeeper was stealing from the business. I showed it to my husband in black and white and said you have to look into this because I think it's just the tip of an iceburg. Five more months went by before my husband would confront his bookeeper and that was only when I told him if he didn't stop it I was leaving the marriage. BIG BIG BIG stress because her's the kicker his bookeeper was his BROTHER. Over the course of two years his brother had embezelld about 250.00 THOUSAND dollars from my husbands business and that was just the cash. There were trips gas cars dinners you name it he wrote it off.. Yes my husband built a business from $500.00 dollars into a very large corporation and my brother-in -law felt he was entitled to reap it's rewards. You want to talk about anger. This put a strain on my marriage and on both sides of our families. When the whole mess started to get "cleaned_up" and we started to get on solid ground again I thought my life would get better. But it didn't. The stress of those three years had taken it's toll on my health. In a four month time span I started to get really really sick.All of a sudden I had a full course dark beard on my chin I started to sprout dark hairs on my cheeks and neck. The hair on my legs was getting course and dark. It started to grow up my butt,on my belly, around my nipples, And the hair on my arms and the rest of my body was getting dark. To people I still had fair hair and they told me it looked normal(the Didn't know I had started to shave my chin) but I knew it was not normal for me. I really got concerned for the first time that maybe there was something really wrong with me. The acne was worsening and some were now cysticand I was getting breakouts on my chest and back and butt which I never had before. I was eating almost nothing because when I did my weight would go up so I started to starve myself. My periods were now those horrible ones like when I was a teen but now lasting the entire length instead of just the first day. There was also heavy bleeding and clotting. I was getting sick with colds and flu's too often. My hair started to fall out very slowly . I had thick curly hair down to my butt. I was know as "The girl with the hair" by everyone. It was my Idenity, as much a part of me as an arm or a leg. I know that sounds so superficial, but to me it was a very big part of who I was and how people "saw" me . There was not a day of my life that someone didn't compliment me on my hair. Or the rest of my looks. If it wasn't my hair it was my eyes. If it wasn't my eyes than it was my body. It really is so meaningless now but all my life I had gotten special attention because of my looks. And please don't think of me as shallow . My looks might have gotten me in the door but my personality and who I am is what people are really drawn to. I have always been able to accept the aging but this was somthing different. This was making me feel like a failure as a woman and a freak. When I tried to explain to my mother what was going she said "I think your having a mid life crisis and maybe you should get yourself a hobby" I just said "You know ma, I would but I'm just a little too busy tweezing and bleaching and covering zits, and when I'm not doing that I'm sick with my period or I'm so tired that I can't even get dressed." so much for support. And my husband wasn't too understanding at the time either. He really thought that I was withdrawing from him and family activities because of the problems we had been through. He wanted to know when I was going to get over things and start being my old self again. I just kept saying "You don't understand ,I don't feel right. Everyone wanted to know what's up with kerry. I didn't bother with my friends because they would see me on a good day then not understand why I wouldn't show up for things. When I tried to explain they just came to the conclusion that I just couldn't be bothered with them. So I found out real quick who my real friends and family were. There were only two people who really supported me and cut me some slack and that was my kids. I had to stop volenteering for all the activities I had once shared with them but they remembered and when I had a good day we had great times together. It's ok mommy Tomorrow you will feel better. The funny part is nobody would belive I was sick. I hid all the outward signs and put on such a good act of being healthy. I was having less good days and more bad days and when my hair started to fall out by the handfulls and I couldn't even grow fingernails anymore, I went to my husband and sobbed like I had never done before. I broke down to the point of chocking on the words and told him everything that was going on. He was never aware of the beard or any of the other symptons. He didn't realize that as soon as I got the kids off to school I would go back to bed untill they came home. I never let him see how bad my face was without make-up. I told him the whole hairy truth and how I wasn't eating right anymore and how I was living on motrin about 600mg every three hours most every day of the moth just to deal with pain of hedaches. It was probably the most humiliating conversation I had ever had to have but I knew that I was going to need his support and I basically begged him to help me because something was really wrong. Needless to say he was a little shocked but he was crying too because he couldn't belive that I had waited so long to tell him. And he was also a little angry that I hadn't gone to a doctor long before it got to this point. So ok,at this point, any one reading this if you have to go to the bathroom let's all take a break and go now because ther's more to come. ok---everybody back are you all comfortable good. OK step #1 in self-help make gyno appt. Step#2 get on the internet and look up electrolysis. Well when you get into the topic of hair growth and all the links that a website can lead you to you read read read and all of a sudden electrolysis leads you to pcos. OH MY GOD THIS IS ME!!!!!!!!!!! There is a name fo this and there are thousands of other woman going through exactly what I do. I could not belive what I was reading on the internet. The more I read The more excited I got because I knew this was it. Then T FEAR in capitol letters set in because this was alot more serious than a hormone imbalance. This could get severe enough to cause many other major medical complications. I was now adding the mental stress of what pcos could do and that there really wasn't a cure. You see I wanted to go to the doctor, get my magic pill and make it all go away. So now as excited as I am to go to the doctor and start to treat this I'm in a total state of panic and hoping that maybe this isn't what I have maybe something else is wrong and they can treat that. While I waitfor my doctor's apppointment, I turn off the internet because it's just too depressing to read anymore. My self esteem is down to zero and nobody but my husband is understanding. My mother keeps insisting I should get my thyroid checked because thats genntic and she is on thyroid meds. She felt that was the answer and I explained to her that alot of times that went hand in hand with pcos. She belived all my problems lied within my thyroid and that I was getting myself all worked up for nothing. I told her to picture me in five years bald with the same amount of hair on my chest as my brothers then tell me not to get all worked up. Ok so step #3 in self help Get a boob job. Ok I know it sounds crazy and alot of people would never do it but I was looking for something to build my self esteem and make me feel like a woman again. I had a b cup and was perky untill nursing and age set in. And I had thought of doing it on and off for years anyway so I figured what better time than now. I think the extra testosterone played a part in the shriveling-up process too. Anyway I went out bought a body part and when I was all shaved and make-up on hair teased up and naked in the mirror I felt like a woman again. I also figured that with a d cup on a 108lb woman no one was going to be lookin at the beard anymore. (Not that people actually noticed a beard I just felt like they did) When people would stare at me I felt like they knew my hairy little secret. My husband would try to get it into my head that people were looking at me the same way they always stare at me because of how pretty I am. I know again this sounds so shallow but the attention now made me feel so uncomfortable. Deep inside I felt like a freak . ok a freak with really pretty boobs, but still a freak because slowly I was turning into a man and my face was beingining to scar from the acne. It was my face and my hair and I don't care what you look like no woman wants to look like a bald bearded lady. Yeah so I got the boobs they look great and to this day I haven't regretted it one bit as a matter of fact I should have done it years earlier. now we get into all the medical. So I go to the gyno and tell him all that I've been going through. This is really the first time in the ten years i've been seeing him that I address these issues. I tell him "SO it's pcos right?" He looks at me examins me and tells me and i quote "Kerry, You are not poly cystic" I can't belive I'm hearing him right and say what about all these symptons. He explains that my ovaries are not inflamed, that I have regular periods and get this, You are not the body type. I just look at him and say ok then why am i growing a beard a full mans beard . he says he doesn't know .I say thats it you don't know? ok then I insist that we run some kind of tests to rule this out for sure. He agrees and orders blood work. Every single test comes back within normal range except one. My DHEA-S is at 400 and the labs range is 380. So it's slightly elevated and the gyno asks if I want a second opinion then he would refer me to an endocrinoligist. He thinks I have a problem with my adreanal gland. So now we make an apt with endo and it will be at least 3mo before I can get in. Ok in the meantime I start eat better but I'm still having major crashes throughout the day. My husband and I go into therapy so we can work on our issues and so I can talk about what's going on with my health. When I go int the endo (a woman) she spends a great deal of time with me looking at the previous blood work and listening to my history and before I can even ask could I possibly have pcos, She says to me dear you have poly cystic ovarian syndrom but I'm going to run a few more tests to confirm it. I say I knew it I knew it. You see, Although my tests were in normal ranges some were high end and it was the way the levels related to each other that along with my history was enough to dx pcos. A whole lot of tests later to rule out any other possiblities and she confirmed the dx. I have pcos. I didn't know if I should laugh because now I could begin some kind of treatment or to cry because the treatments were limited and took a long time to see if they would work at all. There was no magic pill and she told me you didn't get this way over night so I wasn't going to get better over night. This was going to be something I was going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. ok time for another potty break. I'm back where was I oh yeah lets try some aldactone. She tells me this may bring my periods closer together and I might have some break through bleeding but it's the best thing out there to address the hair issue and the acne which at this point is my main concern because if you remember I'm shallow. Not really but it sounded funny in my head so i wrote it in my story. I t also just occured to me that this might be too long and boring but the site said feel free to take as much space as I wanted so I'm just going to keep getting this all out. I start reading all the side effects of aldactone and I'm a little leary about taking the drug but I get the rx filled any way. It sits on the shelf and I can't bring myself to swallow it. Meanwhile I start electrolysis and this turns into the worst thing I could have ever done to my face. I get breakouts so bad on my chin that I can't even leave the house. Large painful cysts only on my chin that won't heal. So this is very upsetting because it is leaving pretty bad scar tissue and the skin texture is completly changed. I can't even console myself with my pretty boobs because they are now sprouting hair not just around the nipple but on the breast itself. I don't want to take the aldactone so I get back on the internet and do a drug search. I come across some info about the possible link between IR and pcos and the new wonder drug metformin. The studies are few but it looks very promising.. I call the endo and just my luck she is on a leave of absence so I can see another endo but that it will be abou a month before I can get in. I decide to go to my gyno and see if he will run a GTT test.I see him a few days later and explain that I WAS dx with pcos and tell him all the info I have on metformin. He isn't aware of these studies and the use of metformin as a treatment for pcos but he is willing to send me for the test and he would be willing to look at the info if I brought it in to him. Great!,an open mind. WRONG! I have the test get very sick while taking it. The results fasting 76 1hr. 57 2hr. 54 3hr 70. He gets the results looks at them and says they are all within normal range that I seem to run "flat tests" (I had one durring my pregnancy and I had The same reaction within pregnacy ranges so I was never made aware taht there was a problem.) He also says that the info on metformin is vast but bacically based on only a few studies and that he would not feel comfortable rx it for me . He advised me to see the endo for any future treatment of my pcos. no help here. Here's a kicker my obgyn group is the head of obstetrics in two major hospitals so I figured that they would be more educated about pcos. Anyway I'm now so upset I call up my endo office and start crying to the girl at the desk. She puts me on the phone with a endo right away because of how upset I am. He is not my doctor because she is still away at this time but he listens to everything I say and get this he tells me that the results of my test are within normal ranges but that that is not a normal reaction, and that it points to some type of IR. He also explains that they are begining to treat pcos patients who don't have IR with metformin and are having good results. I should probably mention that my endo is on staff at one of the best university hospitals on Long Island New York . I couldn't be in better care and the best part is that the internal medicine and diabetes care management where I see the endo is less than a mile from my house. And my NEW GYNO (a woman) is located right at the hospital which is about 1/2 mi from my house. The male endo I had talked to said he would get in contact with my endo and explain everything to her even though she wasn't due back for another 6 weeks and have her call me. Now I ask you hows that for an understanding doctor! I'm also going to ask "Any body sitll with me? Are you still reading or did I loose you somewhere around the birth of my babies. Too bad for thoses who droped off because they missed the juicy stuff about my bad brothe-in -law. But for those who are still interested I shall continue. The endo calls me up and says she wants to try me on proscar before metformin she wants me to research the drug and see how I feel about it. She has seen very good things with it and hasn't had anyone expierence any sid effects. It's a pretty benign drug she says. She orders some tests and gets me in to see her as soon as she comes back so we can see teh results and discuss this drug. tests are godd to go on the drug I research it and it seems like the way to go at this point. The only thing she stresses tome is that I can't get pregnant while on this drug because the only danger is to the fetus. the sex organs if it is a male would be effected and I would have to terminate the pregnancy. At this point I haven't been getting pregnant since my daughter was born any way so it's pretty safe to say that I wasn't ovulating anymore but I would have to practice some form of birth control AKA the condom and any other method other than bcp. She didn't want me on bcp just yet because of my age and there were other treatments she wanted to try first. She didn't want to start me on the metformin at the same time as the proscar and wanted to wait three months to see how I was doing.. She would rather I start a low carb diet and then take it from there. So there I was with my rx in hand and looking into "THE ZONE" I gotta tell you when my husband went to ger the rx filled the pharmisist look at him like are you sure this is for your wife. he thought the doctor must have made a mistake. He told my husband look buddy this is a drug that they give to men for prostate problems,and that he had never filled a rx for a woman before. He even called the endo to make sure ther was no mistake. The really funny part was when he warned my husband that it was very Important not to let his wife handle any crushed tablets. I mean didn't this guy realize not only was I going to have to handle it but that I was actually going to have to swallow it? that's pretty funny when you think of it. This poor guy was so used to stating this warning to men whenever he filled the script that the whole thing didn't register to him. The idea of me getting pregnant while on this drug was a consideration but at 39 with 2 children I came to terms with what my choices were. So on went the condom because even though I didn't want to have any more children I didn't want to have to face terminating a pregnancy either. We were pretty spoiled all those years without any bc but a condom is no big difference. I should also mention because alot of woman with this have sex drive concerns, Well lets put it this way, The doctor asked how my sex drive was and I said "Like I'm wishing my husband was 18 again. does that answer your question?" she just laughed and said excess testosterone will do that. for those who aren't aware, proscar is 5mg of the drug finasteride. Propecia (the one for balding) is 2.5mg of finasteride. The drug blocks the enzyme that converts testosterone into DHT which is another more powerful type of testosterone. Dht is what brings on the secondary male sex characteristics like male pattern hair growth on the body and male pattern baldness on the scalp. It is not FDA approved for the treatment of pcos But than again neither is spirolactone aka aldactone. These drugs are being prescribed for quote "off lable use" If you stick with me, I promise to wind this up soon. so I'm on the proscar for three months and although I don't see any improve ment I don't see anything getting worse. I start te Zone diet and loose 7 lbs in 10 days. Great right--wrong! remember I'm only 108 to begin with so at around 100lbs even at 5'2" I'm looking anorexic. So I have to up the caloric intake to that of an athlete to regain the weight. !110 is an ideal weight fo me because not only am I short but extreamly small boned. I wear like a size 5- 5/12 shoe to give you an idea. That's another thing I read about pcos, short in stature. It's just another one of those things I never thought of untill I read it. I don't have any sisters . I have four brothers,and out of my 26 first cousins there are only seven of us girls. They are only girls too. they are all 5'7" up to six foot. So I was always known as the cute little thing. now they call me the cute little thing with the big boobs but they mean it afectionatly. None of them have pcos and nor do any of the aunts or any one in the family so how can this be genetic? Well now lets look at Dad hummm adult onset Diabetes. Let's look at granny humm adult onset diabetes. No pcos symptons but when she passed away she was a bald woman with one leg. She had lost her leg due to complications of the diabetes. Other male family members including my one brother with some for or another of IR. This is just a little too close not to make some kind of connection with IR and the part it might play in my genetic predisposition to pcos. Any way with the low carbing I was getting some energy back. I also cut out caffine completly , no sugar I mean really restrictive and I started on a mega vitimin and herb regime. I had the energy to excercize the way I used to so I started to build up muscle. I had become protein malnutritioned so although I was thin I wasn't what you would call in shape. With the vitimin and herbs I have to advise that you really do this with the guidence of someon who knows their stuff. My cousin is formally educated iin this area and he designed a program specfically for me. My health issues, my weight, my activity level and my diet were all taken into consideration and I cleared it with my endo and NEW gyno before I started on it. My NEW gyno, a woman, is also very pro natural remidies as a form of treatment for pcos. So three months later I have a little more energy but the hair growth is still a problrm even though it's not any worse. The proscar can take about 6mo to a year to see the benifits if it is going to work at all. This was pretty depressing because The electrolysis didn't work out. At least the cysts on my chin cleared up but I still had the acne. My chin was pretty "messed" up by now but at least I could cover things with make-up again. I thought the skin would never look the same again but at least I could hide it . I should really get a job as a cosmotoligist because with pcos you get really good at concealing the flaws. so Im waiting for this drug to kick in and the one thing I do notice is that my hair has stopped falling out .no regrowth but it wasn't falling out abnormally. I started to grow strong fingernails too. but what's a girl to do about the facial hair? ok lets try laser treatments. Expensive, not really. I went to the dermatoligist who happens to be a laser specialist(birthmarks spider veins tatooremoval and hair removal)Although any acne treatments would be my 10.00 copay through ins. the laser treatments weren't. BUT AND I SAY BUT... this was a bargin. For 125.oo I get 50 zaps. That was more than enough to cover my chin, the few on my neck and cheeks (which I had been bleaching along with my arms Jolen Bleach very good ) The pain was nothing compared to electrolysis. You have to shave before the treatment so I didn't have to be seen with my beard for the treatments wich made me more comfortable about the whole process. The laser is the candella gentlelase. It works very well on fairskined people with dark hairso this was ideal for me. I am so fair that I could even have the treatments right through my make-up and it still did the job. I mean can you imangine being able to have yourself "fixed" to face the world, go in have a treatment and then leave 10 min later to go on about your day. No irritation no real pain just zap and your out of there. After the first treatment I didn't have to shave after a week little black "dots" would wipe off my skin. This was the destroyed hairs that worked their way to the surface. After the second week I did have to start tweezing but no shaving ment freedom to me. within a month I had to pick up the razor again so it was time for another treatment. The doctor explained that untill I got the Hormones balanced and untill I caught all the Overlaping hair growth cycles that I would have to come in about once a month fo a while. so for three months I spent 125.00 untill I noticed that I didn't need the full 50 zaps anymore to do the job. so I used the balance of the zaps on my knuckles and my elbows (Don't ask me why man hair grew there I have no idea) Then it dawns on me that maybe the proscar is begining to work. Now instead of 4 weeks I go 6 weeks for a while each time using less zaps on my shin .At this point I don't have to use a razor any more so the skin on my chin is really improving and there are no pesky ingrowns to deal with. I've found the answer to peice of mind in a laser and that's because I am so shallow. Not really --therapy worked wonders too. I got through a lot of built up anger and started to de-stress my life. First thing I did was to eliminate any relationship that I felt was drain on my reserves. "Friends" that I had in my life for over 20 years were slowly eased out of my life. One of my brothers who I never got along with was discarded and as sad as this situation was it really was a necessary choice because every time I was around him I would have to tippy-toe around him and that was just keeping everything bottled -up. Now that I nolonger have to bother with him on a regular basis I am much happier. I see him sometimes at family functions and we are polite for the sake of others but thats as far as our relationship goes. the rest of the family is slowly avoiding him and his crazy wife now also. It's not just me who has a problem with him it's just that I'm the only one willing to pubicly denouce him. OOOOOHHHH more family dirt. I've got to give you some gossip to keep your attention. I Know I said I would wrap it up. So in the past year I've figure I spent about a thousand on lasre treatments. I havent had to have one in about six months. I have tiny little normal everyday downy peach fuzz on my chin and my face. My italian girfrinds who wrer zipping in their teens have more of a problrm than I do because we all hit the big 40. The acne is gone completly with the help of por-active and the body hair is back to normal .I occasionally tweeze a course white hair or two but thats it . I was on metformin for about three months but didn't see any difference(Ihad no side effects at all from this) so I went off it. It's been two years since I first got any help and this past year I finally have this thing under control (for now) I can manage it to the point of having some sort of quality to my life. Sure I still have bad days when I feel like crap but the good out weigh the bad by a long shot. I found Out real fast that you can't cheat on your diet or your workouts or your meds or your sleep and you really have to make your life as stress free as possible. I was the type A personality. I was forever the perfectionist. The pillows on my couch had there designated spot and the pattern on them had to run in the right direction. The pleats in my drapes were pinned so they were just so . I had to be the mommy who volenteered for everything. I would never dream of letting my average fall below a 4.0 . I had to be the super wife and look just so all the time because after all I was the beautiful girl with the hair. And then at the end of the day when I was completly exhausted from all the irrational demands I was putting on my self my husband would expect me to turn in to his own private show girl. Ok I really didn't mind that part but that's because I was on a testosterone High at the time. The one thing that stuck out from my very first conversation with my endo was "How's the stress in your life?" So did I de stress and find out what was really important to me and what did I want out of my life? you bet and I belive that made the biggest difference in managing this pcos thing .Today I am 40yrs old and I have the muscle tone of a 20 yr old, beautiful long thick curly hair down to my butt , clear skin that looks normal in texture and color. The acne scars are filling in over time . the body hair has returned to normal . My weight is matiained at a healthy 110lbs and I can actually eat without gaining. I HAVE fingernails!!! And oh yeah---really pretty boobs! i know shallow shallow shallow BUT I AM A WOMAN AGAIN in my head I AM A WOMAN AGAIN and no one but a pco cyster would know what that means. You're not going to belive it but as I just wrote this part I got all choked up and the tears are flowing because I wish this for every woman who has pcos. Loosing your femininity is the most depressing thing about this. the world is not kind to hairy bald woman and though I may never have been over weight my mother was 250+++ lbs all my life so I do know how mean and rude people are towards obese woman. Enough on "LOOKS" lets get to the really important stuff. today I don't even care if the pillows are on the couch much less running in the same direction. the drapes went to the dry cleaners and I have yet to put them back up. as long as thers a shade on the window thats good enough. Volenteering for class mother--let someone else take a turn I'd rather spend my energy on a bike ride with my kids or a day at the park. They don't need me as much as I thought they did because They would rather do things on their own witout mommy being involved in every activity. They like to come home and tell me all about their day. This makes them feel more on their own and it's better for them because my job is to raise them to be independent happy healthy productive adults. I don't need to get A's any more because really are you going to grade me on all the spelling error in this post---no are you going to call me up and tell me about all the typo errors and the missing words---no If your still reading then you get the jest of what I'm saying even if there are mistakes . Besides there is no way in hell that I would re write this even if I was getting a grade. I would very happily take an F in english composition at this point in my life . The looks, well if I don't feel like putting on a full face of make-up when I go about my day then I put on my sunglasses tie my hair in a ponytail and put on my sweats and thats it for the day Ok I lied ---I never go any weher without at least my listick on because I feel absolutly naked without it but I"m working on it.) My relationship with my husband has never been stronger and deeper than ever and now I"m crying again but thats because I would have never have been able to handle this without his love, support, and his understanding. This man would stop the world from rotating if I asked him to . My whole life, no one will ever love me the way he does. Not my parents or even my children. He would literally die for me . And even without the excess testostreone I stil really really like having sex with him. As far as my brother-in -law A few years back I wanted to put a knife through his heart (How Horrible of me ) today I just want to punch him in the face so I'm getting over that (ok I'm still working on that anger) My house well guess what it's still standing and at least the roof never leaked! I learned how to find an inner strength that I never knew I had and that life has a much deeper meaning than just living day to day .It's the Quality of your life thats important. When ever I am asked for advive on pcos I say put your healty first or this will effect not only you but every area of your life. what ever it takes for you to fight this you have to do or it will steal your life from you.. IT CAN GET BETTER AND YOU CAN LIVE WITH PCOS and have a very rich life. I lost alot of days to pcos over the 30 yrs but the amount of managing it far out weigh the worst of it . It may flare up again and I'm sure I will have to deal with bouts of symptons through out my life but I make it a commitment every day to do what ever I have to to keep this thing at bay. I always say "I may not win the war on pcos but I sure as hell will fight every battle I come across. " So for those of you who read my whole story aren't you glad it had a happy ending? I'm so at peace right now as I write because even if know is reading this it is the first time I have ever been able to get it all out at one time. And I want to thank this site for giving me the opportunity to do this. This was probably the best therapy I have ever had and the cheapest! ok ok ok I'm leaving now but not without one last comment. The only fears I have now are not what pcos can do to me but what effect it might have on my daughter. I pray that I haven't passed this on to her and that by the time she hits puberty (She is eight) that more will be known about pcos so that if she does have it at least she will have a better fighting chance at not having to go through what I have. At least she has a mother who will do whatever it takes to help he should she inherit this from me. Who knows maybe in her lifetime there might be one magic pill! wouldn't that be nice for all those who suffer.Footnot Had A long long talk with my own mother and she finally understands what I've been dealing with. Maybe not as much as I would like her to, but then again how could she. Unless your a woman with pcos then you really can't understand how truly devastating it can be to your mind , body, and soul. last peice of advice then I"m out of hear. never feel like you have to explain,justify, or validate yourself to anyone . YOU ARE VALID! and never apoligize to anyone for who you are or how you must live your life. I think that's pretty good advice from a shallow girl who can't spell or type. And especialy to whoever is in charge of this site (I don't know if you read each of these stories) you might want to change the part about taking as much space as you like when posting a story. I certainly took you literally. bye bye bye yippy she's DONE!!!
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