By: Cynthia
Email: mcdonaldc00@yahoo.com
Website: http://
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Date: 18 Sep 2000
Time: 22:29:06
Remote Name: lnagw.trw-dcsc.com
OK, I have replied to a lot of stories but I have trouble spilling my guts. I feel so NAKED after and being naked is NOT my favorite thing! My period started late, almost 15 and when it finally rained, it poured! It was brutal, and gross and I begged to see a doctor. He put me on the pill, saying some women just flow heavier than others (no exam, no tests). I took them for about a year but they made me very sick to my stomach (maybe because I was anorexic and starving to death---retrospect) Yes, I was very heavy from 10 to age 13, until a girl in the bathroom at school introduced me to anorexia and bulemia. So i alternated for years between binging\vomiting and starving to the point of hospitalization for malnutrition. But the sick part was how "proud" my family was that I wasnt so fat (therefore ugly and a failure) anymore. They were in complete denial and were not in tune with my health issues to say the least. So taking matters into my own hands once again, I found another girl in the bathroom at school. ***mothers!! dont let your daughters use the bathrooms at school!!*** This girl taught me about methamphetamines. Wow the wonder drug for a girl fighting to be thin and it gave me energy too! Wow, life is great... oh wait! what is this? Im having heart problems now too? I am 16 at this point and all my friends are comparing breast size and I dont have any. Funny, because all the women in my family are nearly 6 feet tall and very heavy chested and thin. Here I am, 5'2 and flat as a board. My mother is wondering where she went wrong, I hate my "perfect, cheerleader prom queen" sister who can do no wrong and who DOESNT have hair on her face or any other disgusting thing. I tried to kill myself, kinda. Well, I knew what I needed to do to really DIE, but I did what looked really close to it. I was desperate and barely hanging by a thread to any semlance of sanity. They diagnosed me as manic depressive and anorexic (Oh! my mother says. Is THAT why she keeps passing out?) They prescribe AntiDepressants which I refuse to take. I think, I'm not crazy! I just need help. I was sent away to live with my aunt in a far away town so I could "get myself together". Meanwhile, more symptoms are developing and I havent had a period in years. Now I am covered with skin tags, away from drugs and forcefed, i started gaining incredible amounts of weight. So I am put on an excersize regiment which helps ease my anxiety but not much else. I graduated from high schoool. Friendless, peniless, homeless, and very unhealthy. I went to a public clinic for help and was told after a vaginal exam that i had built of fibroids and would probably never have a period or children for that matter. Add this to a hairy-faced, flat chested, maniacally emotional teenaged girls plate, please I'm not done choking on all the other stuff yet! My weight steadily gained. While on drugs i was under 100 lbs. Now, 3 years later i was at 130lbs and climbing. Chronic yeast infections, heart problems, digestive problems, you name it. I went to college, got married, adopted a baby. All the while never having a diagnosis let alone treatment. Then at 26, and nearly 200 lbs, I lost all hope. I left my husband, guilty and ashamed. I lost my will to live. I started starving myself again, and other old masochistic tricks. I lost a LOT of weight, and met my soon to be husband. I was at 140 lbs. still fat for my size but better than it had been in 8 years. I had energy, I felt GREAT! I even started my period regular 35 or so day cycle but it came on its own after nothing for 10 years. But he was worried that I didnt eat anything except cucumbers and chicken broth or jello. So he started harassing me to eat, worried I would become ill (hahaaa). The weight slowly came back, and my period gradually tapered off and all the symptoms came back too. I got a job with benefits FINALLY two years ago and just laid ALL these symptoms on my poor family practitioners lap. He didnt know what to make of it so sent me to all kinds of specialists. They each came back with their own diagnosis. One of the specialists was and RE and said Oh, well you have PCOS. Do you want kids now? No? ok here is a 3 year Rx for BCP's. Youre fat, stop eating so much and come back next year thin. WHAT?! So I take his advice and take up jogging. Soon I am jogging 3 miles every day and NOTHING. So BACK to the doctor. My GP doesnt know WHAT PCOS is and the RE is a jerk and didnt tell me anything except took the time to insult me. Meanwhile back at the ranch... I got a job transfer to a new state and I tried again. What is PCOS? Another "i dont know". Still I am taking all the med's for anxiety and irritable bowel and mytrovalve and what not. Did I mention the dermatology treatments too? So curious, I go to the internet. Look up Polycystic... Oh MY! what is THIS?? I showed it all to my boyfriend who broke down crying because all the symptoms finally explained what was going on with me, and he was relieved it wasnt anything worse, which apparantly had him troubled for years, thinking it was cancer or worse. Learning about PCOS lead me to Insulin Resistance. I ordered books and spent countless hours researching. I called my doctor and he was not interested so i dropeed him and called around for a new doctor. She doesnt know about PCOS but is open-minded enough to help me find what I need. So I have been self medicating. Low-carbing, stress reducing so that my periods are coming on their own again, but not a 28 day cycle. I dont believe I am ovulating, but am confident with some help with what I am positive is Insulin Resistance and maybe some ovulation assistance, maybe... I put that dream away long ago and it is hard for me, even though things are better, to believe i will ever have a baby. My boyfriend is wonderful and very supportive. He has loved me through it all, even going to Dr's. appt.'s to hold my hand. By now I have come to LOATHE the medical professionals. I have started to lose some weight, and just yesterday said what will I do when youre thin? You wont be my Little Sweet Pea anymore. Hmmm Maybe I can call you Sweet Stringbean? hahaaa OK I wont miss being a little round pea!! My family doesnt know anything about this disease, though my grandmother had NIDD most of her life as did 2 of her 3 sisters, and many of her daughters did too but they all died very young, so no one really talks about them. I had to do some family research to find out. But I feel great peace, just knowing what is wrong with me, and I am not crazy! yippy!! just insulin broken =) Anyways, thankyou for being here for me. Reading your stories gives me hope and makes this illness less isolating =) Love cynthia
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