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 SoulCysters PCOS Message Board
 Rant!!!!!!!
 anyone else ttc depressed about mothers day?..check in here!
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| Author | Topic: anyone else ttc depressed about mothers day?..check in here! |
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denverprincess Honorary SoulCyster Posts: 171 |
posted 05-08-2002 03:22 AM
Wow, this mothers day my own mother is going to be out of town and I am no closer to being a mom then I was last year. Im depressed  Am I alone here?------------------ [This message has been edited by denverprincess (edited 05-08-2002).] IP: Logged |
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Kaymara Honorary SoulCyster Posts: 131 |
posted 05-08-2002 03:27 AM
I think mothers day is gonna be pretty hard. Normally I am ok, but saddened (after 8 years I guess I just sorta got used to it..).. This year I had a miscarraige 3 weeks ago and am scared mothers day is gonna be so hard ------------------ IP: Logged |
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Kathie Honorary SoulCyster Posts: 488 |
posted 05-08-2002 09:03 AM
I used to feel really bad on Mother's Day. I remember trying to get my husband to feel my plight and give me a little flower anyway, sort of a consolation gift, but he never did--the poop. I remember being at church one Mother's Day and the church had bought a little teacup flower for all of the mothers. The pastor's wife gave me one too, I bet she'll never know how nice that felt to me. I was already feeling so sad that I could not be a mother and to be denied these tiny gestures like flowers was like rubbing in my lack of femininity. Anyway, she gave me a flower and I'm still feeling joy about it as I write this!! To all of you who are feeling sad this Mother's Day.......Baby dust........ IP: Logged |
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stillwishing Honorary SoulCyster Posts: 208 |
posted 05-08-2002 10:29 AM
Mother's Day has always been tough, except this year may be different as I have a neice who will be 1 year this friday. I can say I know the joy of chubby arms squeezing me in a big hug as she laughs in excitement just because I walked in the room. I'm not a Mom this Mother's Day but I am an Auntie Lene and that feels really good. I thank God everyday that Jacqueline is in my life, and when I do have children of my own, I know that they will be great cousins. I guess I'm looking at the brighter side in my life, and that beats looking at the not so bright side. Charlene IP: Logged |
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Ornah Honorary SoulCyster Posts: 518 |
posted 05-08-2002 10:38 AM
Nichole, you are not alone!I have been thinking about mother's day all week. Last year mother's day went by without me even noticing it, but this year... I have been TTC and this month is such a flop anyway because my second round of clomid did not work. It is just going to be so hard. I want to be a mother more than anything I have ever wanted, and this is the one thing that I can't make happen by "doing all my home work". IP: Logged |
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Cindy B Honorary SoulCyster Posts: 233 |
posted 05-08-2002 10:56 AM
Try being 43 1/2 and never had kids, and always wanted them. My ex never got me pg, and now that I might have a wonderful man in my life who would like to possibly have a child, I'm perimenopausal and feel like it's never going to happen. Don't get me wrong, I love my nephews and my goddess daughter, but nothing beats having one of your own. When I was home 3 yrs ago, watching my brother and my youngest nephew who is now 3, I couldn't take it anymore and ran downstairs into the other bathroom and cried my eyes out, thinking I'll never know the feeling of the bond between child and parent. I didn't want my mom or brother to see me crying. They would never understand the feelings. (I'm getting a little teary eyed right now thinking about it) Several years ago I bought myself a bunch of white roses because the cat told me to(at least I joked about the cat saying to buy them for me for mothers day), last year I got myself a card from the cat that was soooo cute. But it's not the same Oh well. Cindy ------------------ Mommy to one fuzzy fur ball the Rug Spud. IP: Logged |
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Moonchild Honorary SoulCyster Posts: 190 |
posted 05-08-2002 11:21 AM
I am not close to my mother at all plus I desperately want to have a child. I work at a grocery store so we sell cards & flowers like crazy. And people always ask what I am doing for my mother and what people are doing for me. The just assume I have kids!! I am not a big fan of my MIL but we always have to get her something and go out to dinner with them too. And she always asks what I am doing for my mother too when she knows that we are not close and every year I tell her so. I just hate it! And now fathers day is gonna suck big time cause my dad died in January. I really do not like these kinds of holidays. And just another little side rant since my job reminded me of it. I don't like it when around the holidays esp. Christmas or easter customers always ask what I will be doing and all that jazz and tell me to "have a nice (fill in holiday)" They don't know me. I could be jewish or muslim or an atheist or a jahovahs (sp?) witness for all they know. I am not but I just don't get into holidays and don't want to talk about it. I just say that I don't celebrate it if I do not and then they want to know why and try to convince me that I should. I never talk about my religious or spiritual beliefs unless I am VERY close to someone. I NEVER assume that someone celebrates a holiday. Maybe it is because I have known many people of different races & religions. This is a small town and most people around here have not had the experience I have had but it's just my little pet peeve. Dawn ------------------ Symptoms since 12yrs [This message has been edited by Moonchild (edited 05-08-2002).] IP: Logged |
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RebeccaC Honorary SoulCyster Posts: 154 |
posted 05-08-2002 11:51 AM
I HAVE TO REPLY---I HAVE TO REPLY I have a thread going in "Depression" about Mother's Day. Only Inga responded, which is fine, but I thought I was the only one who felt this way----I'm NOT. It's so comforting knowing I have women who understand my pain. In my thread I mentioned what my sister-in-law did a couple of Mother's Day back. But I forgot to mention the other most horrible day--it was last year at Mass. The father asked ALL the mothers to walk up to the altar so we could all pray for them and wish them a happy Mother's Day. Talk about WANTING TO DIE---we usually sit up front and LITERALLY all I could see around me were men and children. I WANT TO CRY just thinking about last years Mother's Day!!!!! Oh yeah, everyone looked at me, with a look of "Your Catholic and don't have children?" I wanted to punch some of these ignorant and cruel women. Sorry Cysters: ~*~&&#^$&#@(@*%&@(^&$^@^%(I HATE MOTHER'S DAY)!!!!!(%*^y&!($^*#&*)#*^@& IP: Logged |
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TxLily Honorary SoulCyster Posts: 297 |
posted 05-08-2002 12:38 PM
Hello Moonchild, Your post made me really sad. I have a wonderful Mom, Im very blessed in that, and although my Dad and I did not get along for years in the past 4 years weve learned to get along. There was a time that I wouldnt even set foot in his home. I actually was the one holding on to anger from my childhood and it took me letting it go for us to finally have some sort of relationship. Im not saying thats your situation with your mom at all. As for the holidays, I can sorta see your point, but then I think, well no matter what religion you are or whether you celebrate a certain holiday what good comes out of being angry that someone would try and be nice and wish you a Merry Christmas? When in this world we get screamed at in traffic, given hateful looks in the grocery store and so on. It seems to me that if someone is taking the time to be nice...instead of hateful..they should at least be acknowleged. I dont mean to say that your rude to ppl...im just speaking in general. I realize when they go on to pressure you and riddle you with questions regarding your family and things that that is going a little too far. Its then that theyve crossed your boundary and I understand your getting upset. Well Ive rattled too much. Hope things start going better in your holiday dept. As for me and Mothers Day. I was born on Mothers Day and so every year im just thinking about turning another year older...lol...enough worries in that. Also depending on what day my birthday happens to fall on and when Mothers Day is...Mom and I argue about whose day is more special. I try and try to tell her that MY BIRTHDAY is more important than Mothers Day....lol. ------------------ *Blood pressure meds..two different ones. I remember the days when I didnt take any pills..none...ZERO..ZILCH!! I miss those days!! IP: Logged |
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LSGMSU1 Honorary SoulCyster Posts: 94 |
posted 05-08-2002 03:16 PM
I'm sad about Mother's Day too this year, for the same reason I was sad about Christmas and my birthday (5 days after my Mom's birthday). I was hoping to have an announcement for everyone. But alas, I just got through with another 10 day round of Provera (my second time since my Dx) and am expecting AF within the next week. Since your mother is not in town this year, do something nice for you. Treat yourself to a good book, go to a movie you want to see, anything to pamper yourself. ------------------ IP: Logged |
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amy k Honorary SoulCyster Posts: 481 |
posted 05-08-2002 03:44 PM
You are definatley not alone on this one! My husband laughs and says that I am a good mother to him and our pets. That kind of makes me feel better. I wish you the best of luck! ------------------ IP: Logged |
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Kala74 Honorary SoulCyster Posts: 223 |
posted 05-08-2002 05:52 PM
I HATE Mothers Day! It really makes me mad/sad too b-cuz my Mom & MIL always get me a gift and it just makes me even more depressed to get one, they say "Well, you take care of your household, thats what mothers do."  I don't have kids, I'm not a mother, don't rub it in!!! I just wish I could hide for that weekend! I've been going thru this for 8 yrs now and I'm sick of it!Take care Ladies, you are not alone! ------------------ [This message has been edited by Kala74 (edited 05-08-2002).] IP: Logged |
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denverprincess Honorary SoulCyster Posts: 171 |
posted 05-08-2002 06:31 PM
Im sorry that there are other people that feel this way but I am glad Im not alone! {{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}} to all of my cysters  ------------------ [This message has been edited by denverprincess (edited 05-08-2002).] IP: Logged |
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MJ4991 Honorary SoulCyster Posts: 98 |
posted 05-08-2002 07:16 PM
Hi... I am feeling the same way girls. I am skipping church this Sunday. My Mother and MIL live out of town, so I won't get to see them anyhow. I also would give anything to be a Mother. Last year at church, they handed out carnations to all the Mothers. Then they said all these prayers and had the mothers stand up to be acknowledged. I am in the choir so I was the ONLY one up there who didn't stand. Talk about ripping your heart out. I will NOT subject myself to that again, and I refuse to go. We have to be gentle to ourselves sometimes. Now, I am sure that when I get to the point where I am a Mother I am sure I will jumping up and down when I am in the choir loft! ~Meg IP: Logged |
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Donyahna@aol.com Honorary SoulCyster Posts: 244 |
posted 05-10-2002 01:00 PM
I will be spending Mothers Day with my mom and in that respect I am looking forward to it. The thing that kills me every mothers day is church. This year a team of horses wouldn't be able to drag me to the church on Mothers Day!! It's wonderful for the mothers but for me it stinks! They have a baby dedication service and then the whole rest of the service is a tribute to Moms. It always tears me up and then Im upset for days afterwards. The problem is this: I am very active in my church. I work there full time as Administrator and my husband and I are the teachers of the college class. That isn't the probem, though. The problem is that I am also in the contemporary worship singing group that leads worship on Sundays so it's hard for me to miss church. I have to be there. For the past couple years we would always do "specials" on Sunday so my Music Minister would strong arm me to be there because he needs my voice. (By the way, I never miss church normally). BUT this year I DON'T CARE what anybody says, I aint goin! And that's final!!!!! Nobody understands except those of us struggling with infertility so until they walk a day in my shoes they have nothing to say and can sing without me! IP: Logged |
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guineapig Honorary SoulCyster Posts: 84 |
posted 05-11-2002 03:36 AM
Yes, I am getting discouraged. I was not ttc before my recent diagnosis, but now that I know my chances are reduced of being a mom, I am just depressed when I see little babies and mothers' day banquet signs and so forth. My mom is still alive but a long, long way away...I will not be able to see her this mothers' day either. We don't even have a furry-baby because we live in an apartment. But hopefully by next year this time things will be a lot better for all of us!  ------------------ IP: Logged |
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melly Honorary SoulCyster Posts: 7 |
posted 05-11-2002 09:10 PM
I have refused all week long, to get depressed again this year....I too am very active in church and will not be attending, morning or night service because I refuse to put myself through it. I have 14 nieces and nephews, but no it isn't the same. My In-laws, have no compassion at all when it comes to this time of year. I seldom have a regular period, but it always manages to happen on Mother's Day, talk about a real slap in the face. But I realize now that with being involved in church, and with the community I can create a small fix, #1 I can fill in for many overworked mothers, who might not have the spare moment to spend with a child who needs that extra moment #2 This kind of suppliments my need for a child, not completely but it helps #3 I don't have all of the FULL Headaches and Heartaches of a child who can express full Love for you one moment and step on your heart and break it repeatedly the next. Hang in there ladies, God will make it a little bit easier as the years go by. I do want to let you know that one of the girls I have praying for over the last 11 years, did have a 6'11" baby girl on the 9th. Don't give up hope of having your own. Take care of yourselves, and yes if things are too stressful in certain situations and certain holidays do not put yourself through it. Love all the little ones around you with your full heart and enjoy every moment you have with them, they grow up too quick, you never know what tomorrow may bring, and you may not be here tomorrow, or God forbid they may be gone. Express you full love to one and another, and turn your biggest heart aches and stress over to God. I apologize for making this so long, but I started out depressed, and that it is the way I was going to write this but as I wrote, God dealt with me, and I hope that this message will help you all, as it has me. God Bless and I will be praying for all of you. [This message has been edited by melly (edited 05-12-2002).] IP: Logged |
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Jennray Honorary SoulCyster Posts: 65 |
posted 05-13-2002 01:39 PM
My furry baby of 9 years (Scooter the poodle) gave his mom a hibiscus plant for Mother's Day. Don't despair girls, I had about a split second of pity for myself Sunday too. We can't lose hope. No matter what...then pcos (the devil) will have won.(((hugs))) to all my cysters. ------------------ IP: Logged |
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littleflower Honorary SoulCyster Posts: 140 |
posted 05-13-2002 02:44 PM
Hi Everyone, I just wanted to say that I agree, Mother's Day sucks for those of us who aren't mothers and want desperately to be. I did go to Church and Father only mentioned Mother's Day when we said prayer intentions and asked God to bless and keep all of our mothers. I was surprised, and relieved, that there were no flowers handed out or any big hurrah. The focus was on Jesus because it was the Feast of the Ascension. I'm glad I went. I hope and pray that all of us will be closer to holding little ones at this time next year! littleflower IP: Logged |
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Calantha Honorary SoulCyster Posts: 58 |
posted 05-13-2002 03:11 PM
I wanted to skip out on church but my husband (who is a deacon and probably knew about this ahead of time) insisted I go. To my amazement, the pastor did a sermon entirely about people who AREN'T happy on Mother's Day. He acknowledged those who ARE, and then asked them to pray for US! He told us to always remember, no matter what the reason for our unhappiness (his wife was not in attendance because their 19 year old son passed away at college in 96 and she couldn't take the reminders), God still loves us and we can go to him with our problems. The sermon was encouraging, although I did cry all the way through it. I made a point of getting up and leaving a little early though to avoid the flower and get a little air before I had to go teach Sunday school. Sunday School was an entirely different story and I think I'll not do it on Mother's Day next year. -brandy IP: Logged |
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Jenbean Honorary SoulCyster Posts: 244 |
posted 05-13-2002 03:43 PM
Even though I am a mother now, I remember 2 years ago, in the heaviest of my IF depression, I was driving past a church and saw a sign that said "God shines down his light on mothers for they are his prized women here on earth-Happy mother's day"-I sat in my car and cried "what am I? God's scum?" this has stuck with me since then. Just wanted to say, i know how it is-luckily the "formality" of the day only lasts 24 hours. [This message has been edited by Jenbean (edited 05-13-2002).] IP: Logged |
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mlolsonny Honorary SoulCyster Posts: 68 |
posted 05-14-2002 10:39 AM
I have cried my way through too many Mother's Day church services to even think about attending this year. My intention was to skip it, which I never do. I went to visit my mom, 100 miles away, and thought that would be a good excuse. Well, Mom had other intentions. We went to her church and I feel terrible to admit this: I was so disconnected from the whole thing. I couldn't even listen to the music, sermon, or the testimonies. They had people come up and do a tribute to their Moms. Now my mom did the best she could, but was never what I would call a good mom. She was over-worked and over-whelmed most of my childhood, and by my teen years, she just didn't want to be bothered (or so it seemed.) As I've gotten older, I've realized all of this and that she really did do the best she could. I love my mom and she loves me, but I could never imagine doing a tribute to her, even now. Not to mention that I have been married 13 years and have no kids! Father's Day is tough too, because I know my DH would be a good dad, but I can't give him a child. My only consolation through all of this is that I know that I'm making a difference in the lives of my nieces and nephews. My almost 5 YO niece is still thumb-sucking, ear-pulling, and wetting her pants on a regular basis. Her parents don't even see that this little girl needs some attention and love. She reminds me of me at that age (said with tears.) She has two younger siblings and one older, and her mom is overwhelmed too. She will always know that she is LOVED by Aunt Shelly. IP: Logged |
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RebeccaC Honorary SoulCyster Posts: 154 |
posted 05-14-2002 05:07 PM
[b]Hey JenBean----or anyone for that matter----I have a question: **JenBean, I read your post and boy did it hit home. Any suggestions, on how to move on from this, since I'm not a mom and my chances of conceiving are slim to none?? Imagine being in that situation you described YEAR AFTER YEAR , I'm going nuts and can't seem to find that light at the end of the tunnel to live a DEPRESSION FREE LIFE!!!!!HELP, Cysters, I need some advice. IP: Logged |
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RebeccaC Honorary SoulCyster Posts: 154 |
posted 05-14-2002 05:07 PM
Hey JenBean----or anyone for that matter----I have a question: **JenBean, I read your post and boy did it hit home. Any suggestions, on how to move on from this, since I'm not a mom and my chances of conceiving are slim to none?? Imagine being in that situation you described YEAR AFTER YEAR , I'm going nuts and can't seem to find that light at the end of the tunnel to live a DEPRESSION FREE LIFE!!!!!HELP, Cysters, I need some advice. IP: Logged |
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